How do I know she’s the one?

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*sigh*

I have had countless conversations with different young people on how exactly one gets to discern God’s will concerning who to date and marry. Caveat: Not being married myself (yet) I will just keep it real and share some of what He has taught me thus far. *grin*

Growing up I was quite familiar with the phrase “God’s will in marriage”. This was a byproduct of membership of the church in which I grew up. The church practiced a system whereby a couple who had probably never met physically purportedly got divine revelations of who their spouses would be. They would then individually approach their respective pastors to share the revelation with him and ask for guidance on what steps to take. Fast forward through several processes and passage of time and the couple eventually meet face to face and undertake the process of courtship by scheduled meetings at a designated church member’s residence where it is ensured that the couple is never left alone in total privacy (the flesh is weak). No dates or any such thing were involved. Personally I opine that such a process is fraught with huge knowledge gaps on the behaviour of each partner which could turn out to be disastrous in marriage.

Truthfully the process of getting to be absolutely sure of who one is going to marry is no easy one. I sometimes imagine how Christ would have arrived at that decision (in choosing a spouse) if He were to marry while on earth.

However God left us some subtle tips on this delicate process, chief of which is “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”.

To my mind men therefore have to “find” their wives.Β  The word “find” connotes some kind of positive activity on the part of the man.

This process involves some physicality. There is a lot of spiritually involved in making the important decision to marry afterall marriage is first of all spiritual. However the entire process is not spiritual. For a man to find his wife his eyes must be open.

His spiritual eyes. And his physical eyes.

Before a man makes the critical decision to marry he has to first accept and acknowledge that God will always make the best choices. He therefore has to give his heart and life to God. Only then will his spiritual eyes be opened. Then he can see and think how God intends. In so doing he can clearly determine the qualities he looks out for in a wife. He can also discern what God expects of a husband. He can discern how to love flowing from his relationship with God. He has his God-given purpose in mind and he is determined to have a wife who will help him accomplish it.

With the spiritual eyes opened a man then has to open his physical eyes. Wifey won’t pop up in his high-powered intense-vision goggles. She won’t appear in a vision where he has to do nothing but pray her into physical existence. He must be alert and open to the possibility of meeting her anytime. He must interact with people. She is out there somewhere waiting for her knight in armour (whether shining or not) *grin*

He should have realistic expectations. Sometimes the right person comes with uncertainty. She may not be sure. Hence a man should have a clear vision and focus. She is not perfect. This reality must be faced.

The most important tool however is prayer. This cannot be over emphasised. Some people scoff at me when I speak of prayer. They ask if God will come down and say to you, “this is your wife”.

Now it is a fact that God speaks to us. Always. The thing is, we do not listen. He speaks in different ways. Through written word (may not even be the bible sometimes), through people, through music, through common sense, through our consciences, nature, etc. To hear Him however we must be alert and aware of His presence. If we pray to Him He answers. But many times we are distracted. There’s so much noise and cares clogging our ears and hearts.

He may not say in such direct words (she is your wife) but He will definitely reveal something if we ask Him. To some people He actually speaks in such direct words! (I have met some of them).

For the avoidance of doubt prayers are to be made in two phases. The first is to request for the wife. It is after this phase that the eyes must be kept open to find her. The second phase commences after a potential wife has been found. We then go to God to ask if she is His will for us. He will surely answer either by confirming that she is His will or that she is not. In any case our action in line with His confirmed will always leads to inner peace. Then we are sure that our choice is in line with His will.

We must pray. If we must know God’s will we must pray. Fast even. Fervently. In faith. There is no way to bypass this requirement. Prayer works in ways that nothing else works.

NB: after finding the potential wife and seeking God’s face concerning if she is His will for you, and after He confirms that she is, it is very helpful to ask Him for her hand before you even ask her. He is her Father you know *winks* (Mark 11:24. Matthew 7:7).

Some men have a notion that God’s choices do not recognise our physical preferences at all. This is a false notion and is not scriptural. God will not base His choice of a wife on her physical attributes. But He will not give a man a wife he is not sexually attracted to. He will not provide our “wants” which are based on frivolities rather He will provide our needs, with some of our genuine wants. God is not “harsh” as we humans tend to believe. God is interested in our sexuality. He wants us to be joyful (and happy) on all fronts. His blessings come with no sorrow.

May God guide you in your search to find your helpmeet indeed, your missing rib, the flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Genesis 2:18; 22-25. Philippians 4:4; 6; 19. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

Maxx’

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32 thoughts on “How do I know she’s the one?

  1. I believe this is for all married and single bah?? May God help us all…Give us the grace to, during the marriage, keep his perfect love.

    Nice one!!!

  2. and while waiting, develop yourself, your talents. above all, pursue your intimacy, your belovedness in Christ. you will be a good husband to your wife i know. may your tribe increase!

  3. “I sometimes imagine how Christ would have arrived at that decision (in choosing a spouse) if He were to marry while on earth.” Yes, I’ve thought about this too. Nice post!!

  4. Yep. 4 easy steps- pray, look, find, pray again, then ask. Only that most people skip steps 1 & 3. Then wonder why they are getting multiple rejections.

    Good one there Max. Maybe a lady can write “How do I know he’s d one?”

  5. Pls when the Lady writes the ‘how to know know He is the one’ please let her share.. I have also wondered how Jesus’s bride would have behaved and acted.. She probably would have said yes without a second thought as Jesus is all so perfect and all.. Lol. This post was very nourishing.. Recently I’ve been wondering.. If I was being ‘too carnal’ by wanting amongst other ‘necessary as a child of God’ things to be found by an extremely God fearing man that I am sexually attracted to..Now I’ve learnt that God’s choices recognise our physical preference though he would not provide our wants* which are based on frivolities but he’d give us our needs and some of our genuine wants.. I just pray some of the things… Arrrgh…help me not to be myopic, help me to let thy will be done in my life Lord in Jesus name..

    • My dear the first sermon I heard this year was “the ultimate is possible”. From there I learnt that we can actually desire heaven and earth without fear. If it is in line with God’s will He will grant it. It’s that simple. We need not limit what we ask for because we are not sure He will give it. Not true o. I mean He says we should ask and we shall be given. Like i advice some peeps you can actually make a list and present it to Him. When the answer to your prayer comes check your list to see how many of the things you asked for are present. You would be shocked!

      Our God is the God of more than enough! I mean!

  6. How did Samuel know David was the one to be anointed?
    When that time come comes, and you are walking with God, as He directs your step,He will lead you there.
    This I am sure

  7. Pls when the Lady writes the ‘how to know know He is the one’ please let her share.. I have also wondered how Jesus’s bride would have behaved and acted.. She probably would have said yes without a second thought as Jesus is all so perfect and all.. Lol. This post was very nourishing.. Recently I’ve been wondering.. If I was being ‘too carnal’ by wanting amongst other ‘necessary as a child of God’ things to be found by an extremely God fearing man that I am sexually attracted to..Now I’ve learnt that God’s choices recognise our physical preference though he would not provide our wants* which are based on frivolities but he’d give us our needs and some of our genuine wants.. *considers my idea of Mr right, considers my not-so-perfectly perfect self* smh* I just pray some of the things… Arrrgh…help me not to be myopic, help me to let thy will be done in my life Lord in Jesus name..

  8. “But many times we are distracted. There’s so much noise and cares clogging our ears and hearts.” > This is a very true and sad reality, so much is distracting us from simply listening to Father. If we can get the fundamental relationship with the Spirit in us and the Word to be solid and real, then we will walk in truth in all matters of our life, including marriage; everything should simply fall into place in His time and for His pleasure, which of course is our pleasure and so much more! We truly don’t know what pleasure is, some begin to look at marriage as the most important goal in their lives, which while yes it can be very vital, if your yearning for and your eventual relationship with your spouse replaces your relationship with the Father, there is already trouble. Your Jealous Husband Jesus does not His glory (us) with anyone πŸ™‚

    So let’s get that relationship with our Love going and growing stronger, and He will guide us in the murky waters of relationships.

    That being said, shall I be the unwanted fly in the ointment and point out that there is every possibility that getting married is not God’s best will for a person as seen in I Corinthians 7? It’s an interesting read worthy of much meditation, like all other scripture, cause it address marriage, singledom abi singlehood, and widows/widowers; it shows the Lord’s concern and will for people in such different stages of relationships.

    So I pray that we all experience the fullest extent of love in every form and fashion, body, mind, and soul, in this life and in the life to come, for God is love, and love is real! Cheers!

    • Amen.

      You know 1 Corinthians is a classic na πŸ˜‰

      The principal thing is a right relationship with Him. With that in place all else falls into place perfectly.

      Very apt contribution sir. Bless you.

    • its only you that would bring up the 1Cor 7 issues(lol),nevertheless its an interesting angle that i recently paid some attention there’s an interesting angle Paul threw out there that am thinking about.thanks for the education dude.

  9. ‘He has his God-given purpose in mind and he is determined to have a wife who will help him accomplish it.’ <— Gbam! Purpose is fundamental to both male and female and the essence of marriage is fulfilling purpose with ease πŸ˜€ God help us all to marry well oh! So we can live long… Bless ur soul Maxx

  10. Good job,i applaud your insights to the issue but i think you only centered on the male aspect of the matter.its still very interesting.i especially like asking God’s permission for her hand in marriage(really digging that)P.S:I HAVE OFFICIALLY TAKEN IT UPON MYSELF TO WRITE THE FEMALE’S ANGLE.(i hope i do o)giggles.

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